Tour De Reactor

AO: The Furnace
Beatdown Date: 05/08/2021
Q: Spaetzle
Pax: Armstrong, Blockbuster, Bob Ross, Bushwood, Care-Bear, Chief, Dyson, Fire and Ice, Focker, Genie, Jeter Phoenix, Lambert, Outback, Panther, River Dance, RoadRash, Scoop, Sherpa, Shock Collar, Wilson
FNG: Dirty Dancing
DR Pax: McGruff

Breaking Story Courtesy of NKWWNN: We’re receiving reports that the Pyongyang Nuclear Reactor has been completely disabled by an “Explosion of Fitness Coming from A Furnace” less than one day after coming online in a crushing defeat to the North Korean war machine. More news will be posted here to follow as we receive it:

The Thang:
UTC 12:50 – We’re hearing reports of a group of men gathering in Arcadia Park, not far from the location of the announced race around the reactor. They appear to be carrying things called coupons. In total there are 24 men.

UTC: 13:00 – Spatzle has provided a disclaimer that roughly translates in North Korean to “I am not a professional, listen to your body, ignore the quitter in your mind”. He seems pumped.

UTC: 13:01 – The PAX are seen mosying to nearby field. They are carrying their coupons, which bears a striking resemblance to North Korean cinder blocks.

UTC: 13:02 – A certain WARMMM-O-RAMA has begun with 7x motivators. The PAX are becoming more motivated by the second.

UTC: 13:03 – Additional Windmills x15 and Freddie Mercuries x20 are being completed. Sources on the ground are telling us that that this will be the only easy part of the workout. Our thoughts go out to those PAX who are about to embark in the Tour De Reactor.

UTC: 13:05 – Overhead surveillance reports that the PAX have crossed 56th Street and are making their way to the Tour De Reactor. None have been hit by passing traffic. This is a developing story. . . .

UTC 13:07 – The PAX have reached the nuclear power facility (code-named Arcadia Falls)

UTC 13:10 – PAX are joining the Tour De Reactor with an intensity not seen this side of the 38th Parallel since the public enthusiasm surrounding Dictator Kim Jong-Un’s theatrical release of “Iron Workers Increase Marginal Production of Ore for Glory of The Republic”

The Tour De Reactor Has Been Described As Such: Complete each challenge, and all proceeding challenges then take the full ¼ mile lap around the reactor water pool (aka the canal to 56th street) and return to repeat all previous challenges and then add one additional. Challenges shall stack. Example, as the PAX return from the lap of Challenge 2 they shall repeat Challenge 1 and 2 then also add Challenge 3. Thus, they will do Challenge 1 a total of 9 times, Challenge 2 8 times, and so on.

Challenge 1: 5 Burpees Holding Coupon
Challenge 2: 10 Squats Holding Coupon
Challenge 3: 15 WWII Holding Coupon
Challenge 4: 20 Dips with Feet on Coupon
Challenge 5: 25 Thrusters with Coupon
Challenge 6: 30 Shoulder Touches on Coupon
Challenge 7: 35 Curls with Coupon
Challenge 8: 40 Plank Jacks on Coupon
Challenge 9: 45 Bench Presses

UTC 13:57 – We are receiving reports from official sources that the nuclear reactor is melting down and will be taken offline for the foreseeable future. PAX are seen fleeing the reactor with their coupons back to Arcadia Park. Speculation abounds that their participation in the Tour De Reactor has overheated the facility.

UTC 14:00 – Finale. YIC Spatzle


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